competition
by bearfuck
Summary: Tsuna sprouts boobies. Crack ensues. For KHRFest, prompt: Vongola Varia Kokuyo anyone - WTF? - Verde's invention goes awry and transform everybody in Namimori into the opposite gender for 24 hours.


**Title: **competition, also known as GENDERSWAPZLOL**  
Author/Artist: **bandanability**  
Rating: **PG-13?**  
Warnings: **Crack. Lots of it. Talk of sex. Profanity. Boobs.**  
Prompt: **For KHRFest, prompt 2 − 88. Vongola+Varia+Kokuyo+anyone - WTF? - Verde's invention goes awry and transform everybody in Namimori into the opposite gender for 24 hours**  
Summary:** Tsuna sprouts boobies. Crack ensues.**  
Word count: **2958

Tsuna rolled over, smacking the alarm clock until it fell off of his bedside table. _Why_ hadn't he turned off the alarm? It was a Saturday, after all, and he had no plans. Groaning, he rolled back onto his chest to go back to sleep.

"H-wha?" A sharp pain shot through his torso, and he became aware of the pillow underneath him, and wondered why it was making him so uncomfortable. He reached under his chest to pull out the pillow, before realizing that it wasn't a pillow.

Reborn was _so_ dead.

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The same morning, though several hours earlier, Ryohei Sasagawa was waking up with some _super-extreme _plans. This was going to be the best year for boxing _ever_, and he had to do some _extreme_ training. He counted to twenty and sat bolt upright, only half-awake but _extremely_ pumped nonetheless. He tugged on sweatpants for his _extreme_ pre-shower jog, but he only fully woke up when he realized that his shirt felt _extremely _weird and tight and wrong around his pecs. He looked down, then looked in the mirror, and was _extremely_ freaked out by the fact that he, Ryohei Sasagawa, needed a haircut and had _boobs._

"KYOKOOOO~!"

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Down the hall, Kyoko woke to the sound of her brother calling her name. She stumbled down the hallway, adjusting her nightgown as she went, and pushed open her brother's door.

"Ryohei - "

"Kyoko!" He pointed at his chest, and she rubbed her eyes.

"Nii-san, why do you have breasts?"

"I don't know and it's _extremely_ freaking me out!" He (she?) pressed her face to her hands.

"What do you mean?" Kyoko sat on her bed, cross-legged, and rubbed her eyes again. It was only five-thirty, and she'd meant to sleep until eight, when she and Haru-chan were going to get cake, but clearly something was wrong and she forced herself to alertness. "When did this happen?"

"I just woke up and they were _there_! And I have _boobs!_ And you don't!"

"What do you - ?" She looked down and poked her chest. Nothing. And she had _just _gotten to a b-cup! "But does that mean - ?" She pressed a hand to her crotch and blushed furiously before she began to cry. "Nii-san, I have a…thing!"

_He_ glimpsed his pocket knife on Ryohei's desk out of the corner of her eye and was about to grab it and try to do _something_ about this when his phone rang. He choked down his sobs and answered.

"Hello?"

"Kyoko-chan?" The voice was male and only vaguely familiar.

"Who is this?"

"Haru-chan is a boy!" The sound of sniffling came through the phone. "I think this is happening to a lot of people and Haru-chan is scared!"

"I'm coming over, Haru. We'll figure this out!"

—————————

Xanxus rolled over, eyes still closed, and draped an arm over the body lying next to him. The night before was a blur of alcohol and skin and fantastic sex. Japan wasn't so bad so far, and the man from last night was still curled up against him. He ran a hand along the stomach (firm, but no distinct muscles), pulling this guy close before sliding the hand up to his chest.

Not a guy.

Okay.

Xanxus didn't have a problem with females - some were hot, some could fuck well, and as long as they stayed away after, it was fine - but he distinctly remembered _anal_, which he usually saved for males. (They made better noises.)

He opened his eyes and was greeted by a face full of silver hair, smooth and clean-smelling and all-too-familiar. He remembered Squalo being around last night, yes, and, come to think of it, some of what he remembered happening was very much the swordsman's style.

But Squalo didn't have tits. And these were _fantastic._ Xanxus felt a nipple hardening under his hand as he played with it, and she let out a small noise, half-yawn, half-moan. She rolled over in his arms and opened her eyes.

"'Morning, Xanxus." She kissed him once before pulling back and looking at his chest. "Wait, what?" She sat up quickly (_gorgeous_ rack, really), her face contorted by confusion.

"What?" He pushed himself up on one arm. _Why_ did his voice sound weird? Was that just his hangover talking? He glanced down and jumped. "Since when do I have tits?" With this new discovery, things began to sort of make sense (or rather, make sense with the rather odd rules of this universe). "Since when do _you_?"

Squalo (it made sense now) looked down. "Aw, fuck, what the hell is going on here?"

"Put your panties on, Miss Squalo, we're going to go find out."

——————————

Hayato Gokudera rolled off of Takeshi Yamamoto's couch and stumbled to the bathroom. He was unzipping his pants, his bladder ready to explode, when he realized that the proper equipment was missing. He swore, wondered how it had happened, and got over it before sitting down and peeing like a proper girl. As _she_ peed, she decided she was probably either batshit insane or just dreaming, and that either way she shouldn't react. She wiped and yanked her pants back up, headed back to the couch, and dug around in her bag for an ace bandage, which she then used to wrap down the breasts she'd somehow sprouted.

She was just tugging her shirt back over her head when the idiot came down the stairs, grinning his face off, as usual. Hayato decided that she was not crazy and this was, in fact, a dream when she noticed that Yamamoto's shirt was stretched far too tightly across _her_ chest.

"'Dera~!" She pointed at her torso. "I have boobs!"

—————————

It wasn't long before Tsuna found her house crowded by half the town of Namimori, or at least all of its major characters, all looking oddly different. Some were wearing their normal clothes, stretched in odd places (Kyoko, most of the Varia, Yamamoto, Hibari, Gokudera), some were in pajamas (Haru, Ryohei, Dino), and some had gone out of their way to wear clothing well suited to their new sex (Lussuria in heels and a miniskirt, Mukuro and Chrome in each others' clothes, Bianchi in sweats, and a few who she honestly couldn't recognize in their new forms). Most were yelling, all were angry. The general tone seemed to be annoyance at Reborn.

"Where the _fuck_ is the baby?" Squalo placed his (her?) hands on her hips. A roar of agreement came from those around him.

"Uh, I, uh," Tsuna stuttered. "I haven't seen him?"

Xanxus pulled out a gun and pointed it at Tsuna before Gokudera knocked it out of her hands. "Everyone, calm the fuck down. It's not Tenth's fault."

"No, it isn't." The voice was quiet and high-pitched, and everyone turned to face Reborn (who still looked male), standing next to another Arcobaleno, one with green hair and glasses. "Everyone, this is Verde. Please listen to him, and this will be over quickly."

Verde cleared his throat, apparently oblivious to the glares directed his way. "Well. This experiment appears to -"

"Experiment?" Xanxus interrupted. "What fuckin' kind of experiment is this, trash?" Verde continued as if she had said nothing. "It appears to have only affected those who are connected to the Vongola…interesting. Those who were affected but are not present are already at the base where all of you are going to be staying until this wears off."

"Ahaha, how long is that going to take?" Yamamoto grinned. "Because this is fun, aha, but I have baseball and how do I explain this to my dad?"

"Those of you with commitments and families will be fine," Reborn answered. "They have all been told that this is a school trip for selected students only. It's all been cleared. You are to pack and meet back here within an hour."

"I'm not fuckin' going -" Squalo tried to protest, but Reborn cut in.

"Would you rather we didn't let you pack?" Squalo scowled, but didn't comment again as the group filed out of Tsuna's house.

————————

Gokudera swore as she ran her finger down the list of room assignments. Stuck with the idiot. _Why_ did this always happen? Tenth was going to be with Ryohei, who would probably break her in half with all of her EXTREME glory. She skimmed over the rest of the list and found that most were rooming in groups of two or three, split by group - the ex-girls, the core Vongola, the Varia, and the rest.

She saw Ryohei running over to the list, looking _extremely_ excited, with her sport bag under one arm. "Lawn-head!"

"What, octopus?"

"Can we trade roommates?" He tried to sound as pleasant and (ugh) feminine as possible. "I'd just really like to be with Tenth, and - "

"I'm with Tsuna? That's _extremely_ awesome, I'll teach him to fight!" She ran off, breasts jiggling, and Gokudera frowned before lifting her bags and dragging them to the room where she was to be staying. Hands full, she kicked the door open and threw her stuff into a corner before surveying the room. Two desks, a fridge, bunk beds, and a couch.

A couch with an idiot on it.

An idiot who was playing with her breasts.

An idiot who was playing with her breasts and _giggling._

"What the hell are you doing?" Yamamoto looked up but didn't move her hands. _At least she's wearing a shirt,_ Gokudera thought.

"Gokudera-ku - I mean, Gokudera-_chan_, these things are awesome!"

"What's _wrong_ with you?"

"Ahaha, you haven't tried it yet?"

"I - uh, no!" She scowled.

"Hrm, maybe it's because you didn't realize how different they are from normal, aha. Probably because yours are really small?" She laughed.

Gokudera reddened and crossed her arms. "I'll have you know that mine are _bound_, idiot. They're a hell of a lot nicer than yours, too."

"Ahaha, prove it."

In response, Gokudera lifted up her shirt. "Satisfied?"

"They're still bound, ha." Gokudera unwrapped the bandage and frowned. Yamamoto looked back and forth between their chests before taking off her shirt as well. "I think mine are bigger."

"Bullshit." Gokudera tried not to look at the fairly (yes, okay, _very_) impressive pair of tits on the girl across from her, but it was hard, as Yamamoto was standing up and walking toward her. "What are you - ah!" Yamamoto had grabbed one of each of their boobs and was squeezing, a very intense look of concentration on her face. Gokudera was ready to yell at the idiot for touching her like that but _oh god that's kind of nice_. She closed her eyes and arched her back, feeling heat stirring between her legs -

No. This was not happening. She snapped herself back to reality and hit Yamamoto's hand away. "What the - stop that!"

Yamamoto looked confused. "I can't really tell - yours are harder but I can't tell much difference in size?"

"What gives you the right to - ugh!"

"Come on." Before Gokudera knew what was happening, Takeshi had grabbed one of her hands and pulled her out of the room.

"I'm not wearing a shirt!"

"Ahaha, nobody cares~!"

————————

Chrome stumbled out of the room he was sharing with Bianchi, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He had been napping, finally calm for the first time since he'd woken up a boy, but he'd woken up when he'd heard shouting in the hall. Seeking out the cause of the racket, he'd opened the door, and found himself looking at Mukuro, who was simultaneously groping Yamamoto and Gokudera, both of whom were shirtless.

"Mukuro-sama, what's…?"

"Chrome, could you please figure out which of these two has larger breasts?" She smiled at him, and he felt his knees go a little bit weak.

"Uh, sure." In a daze, he reached out and felt. "I honestly can't tell. I think Yamamoto-san's are."

"Ahaha, I told you, Gokudera-chan!"

Gokudera stuck her tongue out. "I think Chrome's not the best judge. Look how awkward he feels. Let's ask someone else. Haru!"

Mukuro smoothly cut in. "Why are you doing this?"

"Ahaha, because it's fun! What else are we supposed to do here?"

Mukuro shrugged rather daintily. "May I join in?"

"Sure!" Yamamoto grinned. When Mukuro pulled her shirt off, Chrome was mortified at the strange heat pooling in his lower abdomen, and the strange way his pants were tightening. Before he could think too hard about it, Haru came bounding over, a grin plastered across his face.

"What do you guys want from Haru-chan?"

Gokudera answered. "Whose tits are biggest: mine, Yamamoto's, or Mukuro's?"

Chrome noted that Haru's pants soon sported a matching bulge as he admitted he really couldn't tell.

—————————

Hibari twirled her tonfa around her arm, a smile on her face as the wind blew past. Really, if Reborn wanted to keep them here, why had he made it so easy to get out? The window led directly to the fire escape, which probably led to the ground. More importantly (for her, at least), it lead to the roof. She had brought her binoculars, and was using them to watch her beloved school.

She perched there, making sure that all was going well, thinking about crushing the herbivores she would be stuck with for god knows how long. She was having a particularly good fantasy involving Yamamoto's head caving in when she heard footfalls behind her. She didn't turn, and instead focused on recognizing the pattern.

"Hello, Dino."

"Kyoya, I think you should come back downstairs before the building blows up." Dino sat next to her. "It's complete insanity."

"What are they doing?"

"Something about a competition? All I know is that Gokudera's been threatening to use her dynamite for the last twenty minutes and there has been a hell of a lot of groping. I'm afraid it'll either turn into a huge fight or an orgy. Neither of which strikes me as a good idea."

Hibari frowned. "What kind of competition?" She loved a good challenge.

"Damned if I know." Hibari stood, a predatory grin on her face. "Where are you going?"

"I intend to win, whatever it is."

—————————

Lussuria applied the last of her makeup and straightened her skirt before strolling out of the bathroom, chest out, heels high. She turned down the hallway, ready to go set up her room, and promptly ran into eight mostly-naked kids. Well, seven mostly naked kids and Mukuro. She squealed in delight.

"What's going on here~?"

Everyone answered her at once, but from what she could gather, they were trying to rank biggest breasts and penises. Odd for them, but _her_ favorite kind of competition! She bent down, ready to judge the boys first, when she heard someone yelling her name. She turned.

"Lussuria, what the fuck are you doing to those kids?" Squalo and Xanxus were there, both glaring at her.

"No, no, Boss~! They asked me to judge their little competition, though I'd much rather join in!"

"What the fuck kind of competition is this?"

————————

Bianchi toweled off his hair, glad that there were at least good showers here. He was digging around his bag for a pair of boxers when the door banged open with quite a lot of shouting. He covered his crotch and turned to face the rather enormous crowd gathered in his door. He made eye contact with most of the group, noting who was and wasn't there - all of the Varia was present, Mukuro's little gang, Hibari, Dino, Ryohei, Haru, Kyoko, and Hayato, who proceeded to vomit all over her shoes when Bianchi looked at her.

"Everybody shut the fuck up!" Squalo shouted. The noise died down almost completely. "Bianchi. Would you care to give your input on who's the best-equipped?"

He facepalmed. "Are you guys shitting me?"

"It would be _extremely_ appreciated!"

"Fine. I win. The end." He turned back to his bag and attempted to continue the hunt for undergarments, but was stopped by a well-placed kick to his side from Hibari. He stood. "What the fuck was that - hey!" Hibari had reached one of her hands into his crotch, a very thoughtful expression on her face.

"No, I think Haru's bigger."

Bianchi scowled. "Fuck no, it's because he's hard! Give me two minutes and I'll win."

————————

Tsuna climbed out of the car and nodded to Reborn. She'd been training all day and discussing plans to deal with this whole mixup. Now it was nearly midnight and she was absolutely fucking exhausted - she was going to crawl into bed, go right to sleep, and hopefully in the morning Verde would've straightened this all out.

She unlocked the door to the building she was supposed to stay in and made her way up the front stairs. She turned down the hall and headed to the main room, the one where all of their bedrooms branched off from, wondering why the whole building was so oddly quiet. When she opened the door, she was shocked to see, sprawled across couches and the floor, the majority of her family, all sleeping in piles and groups, hands resting in places that, in her opinion, hands should never rest, arms draped over an assortment of body parts.

She tried to make her way across the room silently, not even wanting to know the details, when she heard a soft moan coming from one corner. She turned and glimpsed Xanxus with her head between Squalo's legs, the latter's head thrown back, for a brief moment before she promptly covered her eyes with a squeak. Neither of them had seemed to notice her but _oh god what happened here?_ She decided she would _much_ rather not know, and made her way to her bedroom.

_fin._

I apologize for unleashing that on you. Thoughts?_  
_


End file.
